"A very close member of my family called me to tell me how you turned my son's service into a circus where you had everyone roaring in laughter.  If I would have been there you would not have lasted 1 minute.  Where does it say that every moment in life has to be happy?  I am ill with an empty feeling that you will never understand."

Explanation
 
This grieving mother refused to even attend the service of her son, because she deeply resented the man's wife making the funeral plans, even though they had been married several years and had children.  When the wife asked me, before the arrangements were complete, how to handle the anger of her mother-in-law, I counseled her to consider and use as much of the mother's wishes as possible and to not leave her wishes out of the arrangement. The wife expressly stated that her husband did not want a sad service, but rather wanted his family and friends to remember the fun times and to remember him as he was before he became so ill and eventually passed away. The mother was not content with this decision and refused to attend the service.

It is true that several of his friends recalled funny events or stories from his past, but the vast bulk of the time of the service was spent talking about the brevity of life and the necessity of preparing for eternity.  When the wife heard that her mother-in-law had written the complaint, she called to apologize and said, "The service was exactly what my husband would have wanted." 

In spite of her sharp criticism, I have great respect for this mother, whose anger at the death of her 39-year-old son is very understandable.  I realize how deeply she is hurting and hope that she may be able to find some comfort in the good memories of the son she loved, even as his wife has been able to do. It is truly unfortunate that this grieving mother chose to believe the word of someone who did not accurately convey the full story, rather than to attend the service to experience for herself the respect shown to her son.